Sanya Malhotra’s Mrs Sparks Kitchen Conversations: Women On The Mental Load Of Feeding Families

The mental notes associated with preparing a meal are often linked to the aroma of simmering spices, the clatter of pots and pans, and the comforting warmth of a home-cooked meal. However, behind the seemingly simple question, “What’s for dinner?” lies a complex web of mental labour that women often shoulder disproportionately.

The “invisible workload” gets much-needed attention thanks to the perfectly captured emotions of a character in Sanya Malhotra’s latest movie, Mrs. Even though the shift in gender roles can be witnessed with time, the movie has impacted women, whether working or homemakers. The younger women are left with a “what if” attached to the fear of being married, and the hitched women are, too, empathising with the character, Richa. 

Also Read: Watched Sanya Malhotra's Mrs? Here's Top 10 Indian Dishes Shown In The Movie

Childhood And Gender Roles

The preconceived gender roles often start with the conditioning early on in childhood. Here’s what Indian women had to say about their childhood. Anmol Bhatia, a 27-year-old research scholar, talks about the unspoken gender norms, “While my family never explicitly enforced gender roles, there was always an unspoken expectation that my mother should cook and manage the kitchen. My mother handled most of the cooking. However, 25 years into their marriage, my father has been helping around the kitchen and does manage his own meals when my mother goes out of the station.”

Krati Purwar, a 30-year-old working professional, further adds, “Cooking was never imposed on me as a child, but when I started learning, I often heard family members passing comments, “Will you feed these mis-shapen (non-round) roti, puri, and paratha to your husband or in-laws?”

As for Ritu Johar, a full-time working woman 25 years into her marriage, says, “My father, a professor at a college, had a fair share of work on his plate at both his workplace and at home taking tuitions. I grew up looking at my mother, a homemaker, doing all the cooking and household chores. So, when she asked me to learn to cook, it did not feel awkward as I knew one day I had to take care of a household, too. Occasionally, my brother would cook with me, and it was really fun cooking together. While there was a gender bias, we never felt its depth at home.”

Contradictory to the norm, Shreya Goswami, a 37-year-old married working woman, says while looking back into her teenage years, “I grew up in a nuclear family where both parents were working and doing their best to balance household duties, raising kids, keeping up with the rest of their families and progressing in their careers. When we lived in our little family bubble, there was no gender bias in the kitchen. While my mother did the bulk of the cooking when I was younger, my dad was very active and hands-on with kitchen duties, too. In fact, whenever he cooked his Bengali or Mughlai dishes, he made sure he cleaned up after himself. Both of them also ensured that my brother and I help out equally around the house and the kitchen, which is why, even today, both of us are very keen on being active in the kitchen. Moreover, as a working family, my parents ensured that when career responsibilities grew, they hired a cook and appropriate household help so that my mother could also focus on her job without feeling too guilty about not being able to feed or care for her family.”

The Great Indian Kitchen And The Woman’s Responsibility

“It is always a woman’s duty despite how much people say that their families are ‘liberal’ or ‘modern’. Whenever there is an event, I and other women in the family keep running between the kitchen and the rest of the house, ensuring everyone is well-fed. One might say that it is about management and manners, but when it’s just one gender, it’s blatant bias, yet we comply because confrontation would be more uncomfortable than banging your head against the wall,” Krati Purwar draws conclusions from her experiences.

Shreya Goswami points out the difference between a nuclear and extended family, “When my nuclear family got out of our little bubble and engaged with family, friends and relatives, the gender bias came as a shock to the system. Cooking is not only seen as a wife’s or mother’s primary responsibility in Indian kitchens but also the girl child’s in general. And if you are a woman who is good at it, everyone–and not just core family members–expects you to cook up a storm in kitchens. This is not limited to your own kitchen. I grew up seeing my mother, a financially independent, confident woman, buckling under pressure and taking on full kitchen responsibilities while visiting her in-laws or extended family. The unfairness of it riled me up as a teenager enough to consciously decide that if faced with a similar situation, I would fight back–and my parents and spouse have always supported me in this decision. 

On the other hand, my mother-in-law has been a homemaker all her life, and I believe her life in the kitchen for the longest time had been quite similar to that of Richa in the movie ‘Mrs’. There is a lot of love for food and a sense of pride in being able to feed your family, which, due to conditioning, often comes across as a gendered role. But I have seen first-hand how constantly appreciating what these women do, lending a helping hand, and, most importantly, repeatedly explaining to them that it is not just a woman’s job to care for the house can really make a huge difference. The role grown-up sons and daughters alike can play in safeguarding mothers from toxic environments here is huge!”

Working In And Out Of The Kitchens

“In a typical Indian household, cooking is considered to be a female’s responsibility, and if the women did not step outdoors to work, it was a good division of labour. However, with women working equal hours as men, both genders must share responsibilities at home as well. I have been lucky to have a husband who helps me clean the dishes while I prepare food and set up the table to share our meals together. My brother too actively cooks at home since my sister-in-law works full time,” Ritu Johar, a 50-year-old working woman, proudly says.

Shreya Goswami also shares her experience on the shift in conventional gender roles, “Planning meals and executing them in my household is usually a shared and fun experience. This is because, quite like my parents, my spouse and I fully understand the implications of patriarchy in everyday life, especially in kitchens. As a woman, I have the choice to not cook at all if I don’t want to, and this feels like a huge privilege given how so many women I know live their lives feeling trapped in the kitchen and home. As foodies, we love to have variety in our meals, and we also try to respect each other’s food choices. So, there are certain meals that he cooks and some that I do. Most of our regular meals are cooked as a joint effort–I chop up the veggies and start the dish, then he takes over, finishes cooking and cleans up after.”

Post-Pandemic Work From Home And The Blurry Lines

Anmol Bhatia sheds light on the positive side of balancing work and home, “Since I don’t have fixed working hours, it’s easy for work and home responsibilities to mix. I often find myself delaying meals because of work or sometimes cooking in between tasks, which makes it harder to stay fully focused on either.”

Working as an editor in the F&B industry, Shreya Goswami says, “What I’ve understood in the last 5 years of working from home mostly is that this is precisely the time when the institutions of marriage and family need to address core problems like work-life balance and evolve. Appreciation of the unpaid labour that women put in, if not compensation and concessions in some form, is an urgent and bare minimum need. This unpaid labour that women contribute has been the core of Indian marriages and families for long enough. Still, as India’s economy changes, men do need to do their share within homes. It’s not a big ask, to be honest, but the change in perspective is much needed, and movies like The Great Indian Kitchen and Mrs highlight it excellently.”

How Cinema Stirs Up Conversations

With movies like Mrs, The Great Indian Kitchen, and the short film Juice, the debates on the power dynamics and gender roles do take a forefront. 

“I don’t directly relate to the character of Sanya Malhotra, but I have seen most women around me, including my mother-in-law and mother, go through experiences similar to Richa’s, as shown in the movie. I would say my life has more similarities with Richa’s friend, and I do see myself as somebody who can provide support and encouragement to women around me who feel trapped in kitchens. Feeding families should, in an ideal world, bring joy and make family meal celebrations of the effort that a cook puts in. And for that to happen, we simply have to appreciate and acknowledge cooks who churn out meals in our homes–whether it be a woman or man, a member of the family or a hired help,” Shreya Goswami narrates.

Krati Purwar, too, adds, “I don’t relate to Sanya’s character as much as I empathise with her and am scared for her. I know for a fact that if I don’t take a stand in life, Mrs could easily be me (and there are many like her).”

“I am lucky enough to say that I have never been imposed a duty to please others through cooking. Even though my personal situation is not parallel to that of the protagonist in Mrs, it created a sense of doom with respect to my married future. I could empathise with the protagonist,” Anmol Bhatia tells team Slurrp.

Redefining Household Roles

“There’s definitely a shift in the younger generation. More men in my generation know how to cook, at least the basics, and some genuinely enjoy it. But I still think that in many Indian homes, even if men cook, they don’t take full responsibility for it—it’s still seen as a woman’s job. I’ve seen this shift in small ways in my own family. I’d raise my children to see cooking and household work as basic survival skills, not gendered responsibilities. I wouldn’t teach my son that he’s “helping” if he cooks or cleans—he’d be equally responsible for it. I’d also make sure my daughter doesn’t feel obligated to take on domestic duties just because she’s a woman. The goal would be to create an environment where both men and women feel equally responsible for managing a home,” Anmol Bhatia says, being hopeful.

Shreya Goswami concludes, “If I were to raise men, I would simply do what my parents did–explain through words and actions that, like everything else in the world, getting any work done properly has nothing to do with genders. It has everything to do with developing a sense of responsibility, upskilling, hard work and teamwork. I truly believe this applies to families just as much as workplaces.”